The Heist

Nothing is cooler than organized crime. You want to reactivate some guys in your Elder's Quorum? Put together a bank heist. It beats the crap out of helping someone move. That's why movies about theft are so cool, even if they suck. The actors themselves can't help but get ridiculously excited while they're filming those movies. Just the idea that they're pretending to steal something in a clever way thrills them to death, and we all know it.

The coolness of a heist is directly proportionate to how likely someone is to get caught. Stealing something in the middle of the night while you're heavily armed? I guess that's impressive. That's like asking your girlfriend to prom. Where's the challenge? On the other side of the spectrum there's the guys who basically ask their victim to give them whatever it is they want, and then walking away nonchalantly. That's like a guy pulling up to some girls house in a limousine and telling her to get dressed because he needs a date. The odds of it working are slim, but if it does...well, that's sweet. That's basically what we did last night.

It was a birthday party like any other. There was guests, junk food, and a strobe light. After being there for about an hour Nate came up to me and told me that we were going to steal the Justin Bieber poster that was on the wall right in the middle of where everyone was hanging out. Alright, cool. There were a few problems though. For one, there were some guys perched right in front of the poster eating their cake. We had to figure out a way to force them away so we could covertly steal the poster. Another problem was that there was about 20 to 30 people in the room. Figuring out how to get the poster out of there without getting caught was the next hurdle.

Phase 1: This was easy. One of the guys in front of the poster moved so he could get cake. Nate and I swooped in and made the other guy feel awkward for standing next to people that he didn't know. Soon we had full control over the poster.

Phase 2: While we stood in front of the poster, we took the corners off the wall behind our backs while we socialized. Once Nate got the final corner off the wall the poster fell down. I stood in front of him and made sure to talk to people like crazy so they wouldn't notice the person behind me rolling up a poster and going outside to set it on the balcony.

Phase 3: So far so good. Now we just needed to get it off the balcony. Our roommate Jared, as he was leaving the party, boosted himself up onto the balcony and stole the poster nice and clean. I stayed behind to see if anyone noticed the poster missing (no one did) and then I went home. Mission successful.

We were invited to a birthday party, my roommates and I.