Your Blog is Nasty

I saw a blog today written by a pregnant mother. Pregnancy is not the most original topic in the world, but I guess for family members it can be interesting to read or something. This blogger did something a little different then what I've normally seen with baby blogs (though it's not like I'm an expert in baby bloggery). Each post is written as if it's a letter to their unborn baby. That's new, I thought to myself. Maybe they can make a weird gimmicky way of writing actually readable. As soon as I read the first "Dear Baby," though, I knew it wasn't going to work.

Weird format aside, if I was their baby, I would never want to read these letters/blog posts. They're chock full of stuff you never want to hear your parents talk about, such as "Your daddy likes to tickle my stomach, and pretend like he's tickling you," and the icing on the cake, "Sometimes your dad will kiss you goodnight, but he ends up just blowing raspberries on my stomach and leaving slobber behind for mommy to clean up."

There should be a bar exam that you have to pass before you're allowed to have a blog. These are real things, written on a real blog; I'm proud to say that I could never make something like this up. She might as well have written something like "Ever since I've been pregnant with you my periods have stopped, and I've saved lots of money on tampons. Thanks baby!" What kid would ever want to read that? What kind of parents would ever be proud of writing something like that? A few days ago I saw a store in the mall called Motherhood that used sex appeal in one of its advertisements, and up until I had read that blog post it was the tackiest thing I'd ever seen.

There's filters for things like pornography, violence, and foul language. I think that these filters are off to a good start, but they could be doing so much more. The next filter they should work on is "Tacky." If you're the kind of person who loves reading blogs about other people's babies, don't worry, you would be able to turn off the filter if you wanted. The filter would be there to protect people like me from reading something tacky and then getting mental images of a pregnant woman with spit on her stomach.